When Disgust Is Actually Jealousy
May 30, 2025
Sometimes the people we scoff at are living the parts of us we’ve disowned — and what looks like judgment may really be longing in disguise.
There’s a sharpness to disgust.
It feels righteous. Final. Like we’re above whatever — or whoever — triggered it.
But sometimes… that disgust isn’t what we think it is.
Sometimes it’s jealousy in a clever costume.
We see someone being loud, confident, playful, free — and we feel it in our gut.
“Ugh, who does she think she is?”
“Why’s he so full of himself?”
It feels like judgment, but deep down, it might be something else.
It might be a part of us whispering, “I wish I could do that.”
When we’ve been shamed or punished for self-expression, joy, boldness, or even just taking up space, we can grow to resent those qualities in others. Not because they’re wrong — but because they remind us of something we’ve buried in ourselves.
Disgust is sharp. Jealousy is vulnerable.
It’s easier to roll our eyes than admit we want something. Especially if we believe we don’t deserve it — or that it’s “not for people like us.”
But healing means softening that disgust. Getting curious. Asking:
- What is it about this person that gets under my skin?
- What are they expressing that I’ve been taught to suppress?
- Is there a version of me that longs to be more like that?
Sometimes the people we judge are mirrors — reflecting the parts of us we’re scared to reclaim.
And when we can name that with honesty, the judgment loosens.
The jealousy softens.
The healing begins.