Building The Fence I No Longer Need To Justify

– layout: post title: “Building the Fence I No Longer Need to Justify” date: 2025-07-22 tags: [boundaries, growth, home, neighbours] description: “This wasn’t just about a fence. It was about choosing who I want to be — even when no one’s watching.” emotions: [anger, acceptance] —

I realised I was about to make myself do a lot of work for the wrong reasons.

The original plan was to remove every old fence panel — not because I needed to, not because it would save me money, but because I was angry. Because they never contributed to the cost. Because I felt disrespected. And because, if I’m honest, I wanted to get them back.

It was teenage me — hurt, reactive, and trying to prove a point.

But when I sat with it for long enough, I saw something else. I don’t actually want most of those panels. I don’t have space for them, I don’t need them, and I’d just end up driving them to the tip. So what would that prove? That they got under my skin. That I made more work for myself. That they won — if winning is even the point.

And then I looked at what I do want.

I want a fence that will last 10 years. One that’s mine, clean, strong, and simple. I want to keep two newer panels I installed myself — and now I have a plan to swap those with two old ones tucked behind a bush where no one will notice. No drama. No confrontation. Just done.

I also caught myself imagining they’d moved their garden furniture because my old fence was too tall. But the truth is, there’s a huge willow tree at the back of their garden that blocks the sun. They moved their chairs to the front because it’s the only place with evening light. Nothing to do with me. Another fear gone.

I’ll build my new fence to match the height of the one at the back of their garden — about seven feet. If it ever becomes an issue, I can trim six inches off. I’m not hiding anything. I’m just not performing anymore.

This whole thing has been slow — and I’m glad for that. Because when I take my time, I stop acting from the part of me that’s still hurt, and I start acting from the part of me that’s becoming a man I trust.

This wasn’t about fences. It was about freedom.

About choosing peace over pettiness.

And about proving nothing — not even to myself.