Craving Secure Connection

There’s something I keep coming back to: I crave secure connections with people. Deep down, I know that. I’ve known it for a long time. And while I do have that with some people, it doesn’t feel like enough a lot of the time.

Lately, that’s made me question whether I should have quit almost every relationship in my life. But when I sit with myself—quietly, honestly—I know it was for the best. I had to protect what I’m growing. I had to stop giving myself away to feel a little less alone.

Still, I think the extreme emotions and the downs I’ve been experiencing lately are due to just not having those secure connections. It’s not new news, really. But it feels a little heavier today. I didn’t really have a conversation with anyone. I just kind of existed.

And that’s very interesting to me.

Because it’s becoming clearer that even small introductions—those tiny moments of dipping my toe in, offering a smile or a hello—might be the way forward. Maybe one in a hundred, one in a thousand, develops into something more. And suddenly, life feels a little more worthwhile. That’s the truth of it. Simple as that, really.

I’ve realized that I’m documenting this process in real time—the ups and downs, the rawness, the reality. I’m not filtering it. And maybe that matters more than I realize right now.

Because one day, I’ll have a client—or a few—who can look back on this and see what it was like for me while I was still struggling. I’m not pretending I’ll never struggle again. But in a couple years, I might be in a really good place. I might have a partner. I might be thriving. And if I only show that version, it might be hard for others to relate.

This—this part—is just as valuable. It might even be the most important bit.

So I’m writing it down. For me. And yes, for others too. Because that’s part of what keeps me going. And there’s something quite beautiful about that.