From Fixing to Presence: Letting Go of the Urge to Prove Myself

The urge to suddenly share my website with everyone I once knew — to prove that I have something useful to offer, that I can help, that I matter — has faded.

It’s not that I don’t care about others.
It’s just that I’m no longer trying to earn my worth through helping them.

I spent years playing the fixer — because that role made me feel valuable. It made me feel safe. If I was useful, maybe I’d be wanted. Maybe I’d be kept. But I see it now for what it is: a survival role. And I’m not surviving anymore.

I’m settling into something slower, softer, and much more real.

I’m not chasing projects just to feel like I’m becoming someone.
I’m not dreaming of proving myself to old followers from a past version of me.
I’m not even interested in travel right now — something I once romanticized and planned around.

Instead, I’m learning to stay.

To stay with my life as it is.
To stay with my son.
To stay with the mess in the sink, the quiet of the house, the soil in the garden.

That’s the life I’m building — not flashy, not fast, but honest.

I already know my values.
I already know what environments drain me and which ones fill me.
I already know what friendships are no longer meant to come with me.

And what I’ve lost in excitement about some imagined future, I’ve gained in the presence of each day.

I used to think I’d feel worthy when I finished this big project, or helped enough people, or got it all just right. But now I’m learning:

I’m probably already worthy right now.

So I ask myself — what’s the most aligned thing I can do today?

And often the answer is simple:

• Do the washing up
• Tidy the space I live in
• Walk the dog
• Tend the garden
• Parent well
• Rest when needed

I imagine the time for travel and expansion will come again.
But it’s not now.
Right now is a time for staying, for rooting, for being with what is.

And honestly? That feels more meaningful than any audience I could chase.

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