Growing Through Grief and Letting Go

I’ve seen multiple examples of people who couldn’t love me the way I needed. And none — not one — of someone who could.

Maybe that’s because I didn’t have the capacity to love in that way either. But I think I do now.

Still, the belief that I could find someone who can meet me… that belief isn’t quite there. Not fully. There’s fear.
Fear of getting older.
Fear of it never happening.
Fear that I’ll always be too much in some way — or not enough in others.

I’m nearly 35. That’s still young. If I wanted another family, I probably could. But honestly… I don’t think I do. It’s been hard. Really hard.

What I do want is peace. And if someone comes into my life who adds to that — not subtracts from it — I’ll meet them with honesty, openness, and presence.

But I won’t contort myself anymore. I won’t settle for a relationship that stunts me emotionally. I did that once. I stayed too long.
And it would’ve been terrible for my son.

So maybe this is just a journal entry.
Maybe no one reads it.
But it’s a marker.
That I’ve grown.
That I’m still afraid — but I’m no longer lost in the fog.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough for now.