Lately, I’ve been noticing how different it feels to let relationships balance themselves out instead of me always chasing.

With one friend, I used to feel like I was the one initiating all the time. That left me feeling vulnerable, uncertain, and even a bit rejected. This time, I allowed myself to hold the discomfort and wait. He reached out first. That small shift gave me information — and relief. Now the ball’s in his court. If he wants to connect, he will. If he doesn’t, I don’t need to carry the weight of that.

The sting of rejection isn’t what it once was. I can see it now for what it is: feedback, not a verdict on my worth. And that change feels like something foundational for how I want to approach all my relationships, including romantic ones.

On dating apps, though, I notice the tension. A like on a picture of my dog feels hollow when it comes with no effort. I’ve tried joking my way into it, but what’s left after the joke? Nothing. I don’t want to do all the heavy lifting to woo someone into interest. That kind of imbalance no longer appeals to me. Maybe that’s normal in the online dating world, maybe it’s not — but for me, it’s a filter. If there’s no spark of genuine curiosity, I don’t feel called to pursue it.

And maybe that means I’m not ready for a relationship right now. Or maybe it means I’m only ready for one that meets me halfway. Because the truth is: I love being single. For the first time in years, maybe ever, I’m surrounded by real, honest connection. That’s the thing I’ve been missing most, more than sex, more than romance: connection.

So I’ll keep trusting myself. I don’t have to settle for less. I can let things flow naturally, one balanced step at a time.