The Human Need for Connection (and the Cost of Abandoning Yourself)

In this video, I talk about something we all feel deep down: the human need for connection. We are wired for it. From the moment we’re born, we need others to survive, and that doesn’t change as we grow older.

But for many of us, connection has come at a cost. Sometimes we’ve been taught—consciously or unconsciously—that in order to be loved, accepted, or simply tolerated, we must abandon ourselves. We silence our truth, hide our needs, or play roles that aren’t really ours, all in the hope of not being left behind.

This self-abandonment can look like:

• Saying yes when every part of us wants to say no.
• Shrinking our voice so someone else feels comfortable.
• Staying in draining dynamics because loneliness feels scarier than mistreatment.

The tragedy is that these choices erode our sense of self. What looks like connection on the outside is often emptiness on the inside.

The quiet shift begins when we realise that true connection can only exist when we stop abandoning ourselves. That doesn’t mean being rigid or closed off; it means holding the line on our worth. It means being willing to risk rejection, knowing that the right people want us to be real.

The cost of abandoning yourself is always greater than the cost of losing someone who only wanted a version of you that wasn’t true.

Every time we choose authenticity over performance, we are planting the seeds of deeper, more sustainable relationships. And in that space, connection stops being something we chase and starts being something that grows naturally.

Prompts for Reflection

• Where in your life do you feel the pull to abandon yourself for connection?
• What would it look like to show up more authentically, even if it feels risky?
• Can you remember a time when being true to yourself deepened a relationship rather than damaged it?
• How might you remind yourself this week that your worth isn’t dependent on being accepted by everyone?