I Dont Need The Test Anymore

I see what you were doing.

You brought them in — the needy ones, the boundary-pushers, the ones who smiled while taking more than they gave.

Not because I wanted to be hurt.
But because I needed to see something.

I needed to see that I wasn’t that little boy anymore.
The one who kept quiet because it wasn’t safe to speak.
The one who tolerated too much because love felt conditional.
The one who made himself smaller just to stay protected.

So you brought me the test.

You brought people who would knock too loud, drink too much, take too freely.
People who didn’t know how to handle the kind of care I gave.
People who mistook my kindness for permission — and my silence for softness.

And for a while, I let it happen.

Not because I was weak — but because I didn’t know I had another option.

But then I started to speak.
Not perfectly. Not even early.
But eventually — I said no.

I said get out of my house.

I said you don’t get to treat my son like that.

I said this is the line — and you’re not welcome on the other side of it anymore.

And you know what? They were shocked.

Because they didn’t expect fire from someone who baked cakes.

But here’s the thing:
You can carry warmth and fire.
You can love people and not let them harm you.
You can give without being taken from.

And now… I don’t need the test anymore.

I don’t need people to push me to know I’ll push back.
I don’t need the ache of betrayal to know I’ll never betray myself again.
I don’t need to draw in the takers just to prove I can finally walk away.

I’ve already walked.

I’ve already chosen myself — not in theory, but in blood, sweat, and practice.

So thank you, psyche.
I get what you were doing.
You kept showing me what I no longer needed — until I could finally leave it behind.

You can rest now.
We don’t need to rehearse the pain anymore.

We know the way home.