I Get to Define Love Now
June 08, 2025
They might have thought they loved me. But I get to decide what love really means — and what I’ll never settle for again.
They both thought they loved me.
My father.
My mother.
Maybe in their own broken ways, they still do.
But what they called love left me wounded.
Confused.
Alone.
And questioning whether my instincts could be trusted at all.
That’s not love.
💔 Love That Had No Holding
My mother’s version of love came with conditions.
Do as you’re told. Be who I need. Keep me comfortable.
She called it love — but it was about control, not connection.
My father’s version of love came through distance.
Silence.
Pushing me out and calling it protection.
Maybe he believed it was the right thing.
But it left me shattered.
🧠 So Who Gets to Define What Love Is?
I do.
I lived through their definitions.
I felt the confusion of love that came with absence.
I carried the shame of needing something they couldn’t give.
And now I get to say:
“That wasn’t love. Not the kind I needed. Not the kind I believe in.”
🧭 My Definition of Love Now
Love doesn’t disguise itself as rejection.
Love doesn’t demand I disappear to be safe.
Love doesn’t push me away and call it protection.
Love doesn’t ask me to shrink to be worthy.
Love doesn’t make me question whether I was ever loved at all.
🩹 Why This Matters
Because the boy in me spent years trying to earn the kind of love that should have been given freely.
And he still sometimes wonders:
“Was I imagining it?”
“Was it my fault?”
But now I get to tell him:
You weren’t wrong.
You were right to want to be held.
You were right to want to feel safe.
You were right to want something softer than silence and shame.
🕯 A Quiet Declaration
I get to define love now.
And that definition includes me.
My needs.
My voice.
My safety.
No more earning love.
No more explaining why I deserve it.
No more calling survival love.
The kind of love I believe in now —
is the kind that stays, sees, softens, and holds.
And it starts with how I love myself.