I Thought I Couldn't Do Relationship—Now I Know I Can

For most of my life, I thought I couldn’t do relationships.

Not because I didn’t want to—but because I didn’t know how to feel safe in them. I could connect. I could talk. I could even go deep. But the moment something ruptured—an argument, a misunderstanding, a sense of misattunement—I’d either shut down, try to fix everything, or silently prepare to lose the person.

That’s what I knew: closeness followed by collapse.

But something’s changed. And it started in therapy.

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At first, I didn’t feel connected to my therapist. I questioned her ability. I didn’t feel guided. I wondered if this was going to be another failed connection—another relationship where I wasn’t fully seen.

But instead of tightening the structure or defending herself, she stayed honest.
She said what was real.
She let the process unfold without trying to control it.
And somewhere in that openness, something began to shift in me.

She wasn’t trying to “lead” in the traditional sense.
She was just being with me, honestly, moment to moment.

And that turned out to be the exact thing I needed.

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For the first time, I wasn’t just understanding the concept of a secure relationship—I was feeling one, from the inside.

And now, without forcing it, I feel like something fundamental in me has changed:

• I’m not afraid of rupture anymore.
• I can express myself clearly, even when things are hard.
• I can be vulnerable without losing self-respect.
• I know how to walk away gently if someone can’t meet me.

In short:

I can be in relationship without abandoning myself.

That’s new. And it’s huge.

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This shift hasn’t made everything perfect. It hasn’t erased the grief, the past, or the habits I still carry. But it’s given me a reference point for what’s possible.

Now, I know that if someone else meets me with honesty, openness, and care—I’ll know what to do. I’ll know how to show up without folding, without pretending, and without bracing for it to fall apart.

And that knowledge lives in my body now.

I thought I couldn’t do relationship.
But the truth is, I just hadn’t been shown how.

Now I have.
And I’m ready.

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