I’m Not Avoiding People — I’m Just Learning to Trust Myself
June 08, 2025
There was a time I thought I was pulling away out of fear. But now I see it differently. I’m not isolating — I’m finally choosing myself.
There was a time I thought I was avoiding people.
That maybe I was still running from closeness.
That maybe I was still afraid.
But now I see it differently.
I’m not avoiding people.
I’m just learning to trust myself.
🧠 What Looked Like Withdrawal Was Actually Clarity
For most of my life, I second-guessed myself.
I questioned every feeling, every reaction, every boundary.
I stayed in relationships that made me feel invisible — and felt guilty when I finally stepped away.
But I’ve come to realise that pulling back isn’t always fear.
Sometimes, it’s self-respect.
Sometimes, it’s recognising that staying connected to people who can’t meet you only continues the internal story that you’re unworthy of being met at all.
🌿 Letting Go Isn’t Avoidance — It’s Choosing Peace
I’ve let some relationships go.
Not because I’m scared of connection, but because the connection wasn’t real.
It was one-sided.
Performative.
Draining.
And for once, I didn’t stay to prove I could endure it.
I walked away because I deserve better — and because the boy in me deserves better too.
💬 I’m Not Isolating — I’m Integrating
I’m alone a lot. But I don’t think I’m isolating.
I think I’m recharging.
Processing grief.
Letting go of illusions I used to cling to for safety.
And when I do connect — whether it’s with someone I trust at college, or with a stranger I meet gently — I show up more honestly than ever before.
That’s not fear.
That’s growth.
🪞 The Old Wounds Still Echo — But I’m Aware Now
Yes, I still project sometimes.
Yes, I still get triggered by women in authority.
Yes, I still have an inner child who looks for safety in old patterns.
But I’m not running from that anymore.
I’m not shaming it.
I’m choosing people who can hold space for it — and I’m learning to hold it myself.
🩹 I’m Not Second-Guessing Because I’m Weak
My second-guessing was cultivated — especially by my mother.
She called it a weakness.
But I see now it was a seed of self-doubt she planted to keep me small.
I’m slowly unlearning that.
I’m learning that I can trust my body. My gut. My truth.
Even if I’m not always certain — I’m no longer abandoning myself to gain approval.
🕯 I Want to Let Love In
I’m not chasing it.
I’m not afraid of it.
I just want to be ready for it — when it’s real.
And that means accepting myself as I am now:
Still healing. Still learning. Still worthy.
Not perfect.
Not finished.
But open.
Because I’m not avoiding people anymore.
I’m just building a world where I can finally show up as myself — and not apologise for it.