Maybe This Is What It Feels Like to Be Cared For
June 06, 2025
I’ve spent so long expecting criticism that I’ve struggled to receive care. But maybe this time, someone really did want to check I was okay.
I’ve been trying to make sense of why my tutor asked me in for an interview.
At first, I assumed it was about performance.
Maybe I’d written something wrong. Maybe I’d been too critical.
Maybe it was a subtle way of checking if I was good enough for Level 4.
That was the default narrative in my head — the old story I still find myself clinging to:
“They’re not here to care. They’re here to assess.”
But something in me is softening now.
Maybe there was an admin reason.
Maybe it was just protocol.
But maybe — also — she cared.
Maybe she’s read my assignments.
Maybe she’s seen my journey.
Maybe she picked up on something in my energy, something in my writing, and just wanted to make sure I was okay.
And maybe… I can let that in.
Not all the way. Not instantly.
But a little.
Maybe I could welcome her in.
That sentence doesn’t come easy.
It carries the weight of so many times I let people in and got hurt.
So many times I trusted too soon, and it cost me.
But this feels different.
There’s no pressure. No demand.
Just a quiet possibility:
That someone might have cared — not because I earned it, but because I’m human.
That’s still hard for me to sit with.
Because when you grow up expecting judgment, even care can feel like a trick.
But this time… I don’t think it is.
And maybe — just maybe — this is what it feels like to be cared for.