Maybe This Website Is Me Trying to Be Seen

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Maybe this website is a way of healing myself.

Maybe it’s not about building something “impressive” or useful to others — maybe it’s about finally expressing who I really am. And if anyone were to read it, they wouldn’t be seeing a curated version of me. They’d be seeing the real parts — the ones I’ve kept hidden, the ones I’ve struggled to reveal, even to myself.

Maybe that’s why there’s so much resistance in sharing it.

Because I’ve never truly been seen and accepted before. Not as I am. Maybe I’ve experienced glimmers of it — with therapists, maybe with a few friends at college — but even then, I’m not sure I let myself fully be known.

It’s possible I’ve been protecting myself by only letting people see the parts that feel safe to show. It’s possible that some deeper parts still haven’t surfaced yet — and maybe those parts hold the key to healing the ache I’ve always carried.

Maybe I’m closer than I think.
Or maybe I’m further than I want to believe.
Maybe both are true.

But maybe I don’t need to know where I am on the map.
Maybe the work is simply in sitting with what’s here.
Maybe there is no path, and that’s the path.
And maybe, if I choose to keep sitting with it — this uncertainty, this need, this tenderness — I’ll find my way back to myself.

Maybe that’s enough for now.