Negotiating with My Inner Child

I think most of my issues — maybe even all of them — stem from this ongoing negotiation with my inner child.

There’s a wounded part of me that takes the wheel a lot of the time. Not because he’s reckless, or broken, or stupid — but because he believes no one else will protect me. And for a long time, he was right.

The hard part is… I didn’t even realise it was him.
I just assumed that was me.
The me who got defensive.
The me who assumed people were against me.
The me who believed — quietly, constantly — that my needs would never be met, and that hoping otherwise was dangerous.

That strategy worked beautifully in childhood.
It kept me safe.
It made me alert, capable, self-sufficient.

But now?
It’s kind of ruined my life.

Not out of malice — but out of habit.
Out of love.
Out of survival.

And I can finally see that now.

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While I genuinely appreciate the beauty of what my wounded inner child has done — and it is beautiful — I also know that what protected me then is now keeping me from what I truly need.

And so begins the work.

Healing isn’t about suppressing the child who panics or lashes out or avoids connection.
It’s about negotiating with him. Over and over again.
Gently. Lovingly. Firmly when needed, but always with care.

It’s not a quick fix.

In fact, assuming it will be is probably one of the most subtle ways I sabotage myself. Healing is slow. Messy. And full of repeat lessons.

What I’m learning now is this:

Shaming the part of me that makes these protective decisions does not help.
It only deepens the wound. It makes the child dig in harder.
And it confirms his fear that no one — not even me — will ever fully accept him.

So I’m learning to take a different approach.

To say:

• “Thank you for protecting me.”
• “I see why you did that.”
• “But you don’t have to do it alone anymore.”

This is the work.

It’s a constant, evolving, moment-by-moment learning process.
And every time I pause and choose curiosity over shame, something inside loosens.
Something begins to trust.
Something begins to heal.

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