For a while, I thought the answer was getting into Level 4 at the same college.
I thought I had rapport with the tutors. I thought that would matter.
But the more I sit with it, the more I realise: that environment was quietly draining me.

Maybe they did gatekeep my path forward.
Maybe it was personal.
But it doesn’t matter anymore — because I’m already through the gate.

I’ve applied to two other colleges.
They’re close by.
They’re just as good — maybe better.
And more importantly, they don’t have a fixed image of who I was last year.
They get to meet me as I am now.
I get to show up fresh. Not boxed in. Not managed. Not minimised.

And that might be the best thing for me.

Only one day a week.
More freedom.
More energy.
And less fear of bumping up against someone’s quiet, unspoken judgment.

The truth is, this work isn’t hard for me anymore.
Level 3 didn’t stretch me — it simply confirmed what I already knew.
That I’m good at this.
That I care deeply.
That I’ve done the inner work most people avoid their whole lives.

So if they didn’t want me on Level 4, fine.
I’ve passed Level 3. I know that.
And even if they try to hold the door closed, I’ve already walked through it.

I’m proud of who I am.
I’m proud of how I’ve handled this.
And wherever I end up, I’ll carry this truth with me:

No one can gatekeep who I’ve become.