Not In But Still Seen

I didn’t get onto Level 4. And for a while, that stung.

Not just because of the rejection itself — but because of what it brought up. All the old stories. The sense that maybe I wasn’t safe. Maybe I was too much. Maybe they saw something in me that made me unfit to carry on.

But then I re-read the message from my old therapist. And something softened.

He didn’t say much. Just a short, respectful message. But it landed differently. Because it felt real.

“I feel very privileged to have played some part in your growth.”

That’s all. No flattery. No ego. Just a quiet recognition that he saw me. That I had grown. That our work meant something.

And maybe he knew I wasn’t going to get through. Maybe not. But it doesn’t matter. Because in that moment, I felt seen.

Not for what I achieved. But for who I became.

That’s what stays with me.

Because growth isn’t about ticking boxes or climbing ladders. It’s about becoming more yourself. And I’ve done that — over and over again — even in places that didn’t know how to hold it.

So no, I didn’t get in. But I was seen. And that matters more.