Parenting from Where I Am, Not Where I Think I Should Be

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It’s ten past five, and I’m meant to pick up my son at seven.

I feel tired.
Not incapable — just aware that I’m holding a lot.
And instead of forcing myself to ignore that, today I’m choosing to notice it. To prepare realistically. To show up from where I actually am, not from some imagined, ideal version of myself.

I might do a bit of shopping on the way — not because everything needs to be perfect, but because I know it’ll ease the weekend ahead. He’s only with me for the weekend, and school starts Monday. I don’t need to overdo it. I just need to get what will help us both feel okay.

That’s enough.

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What’s different this time is that I’m not trying to hide how I feel from him.

I plan to be honest with him.
To say:

“My energy’s a little low today — I’ve been doing a lot on my own. But I love you. And I’m glad you’re here. I just might need a little more space, a few more walks, some quieter moments.”

I trust that he can handle that.
And if it’s too much for him — if something doesn’t land quite right — then we’ll talk.
We’ll find a rhythm that honours both our needs, without guilt on either side.

That’s the part I used to miss:
The belief that we could work it out together, without me abandoning myself to keep him happy.

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This shift feels big.
It’s not just about parenting.
It’s about how I show up with my students.
With friends.
With myself.

It’s the decision to stop performing wellness.
To stop pretending I’m full when I’m running on half.
And to still show up — fully honest, even if not fully energised.

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I don’t know yet whether my ex will reply.
But I do know that if she doesn’t, I can handle it.

I might not be at my best.
But I’ll be real.
And sometimes, that’s even better.

Because the greatest gift I can offer my son — and my students — is not perfection.
It’s presence.

And today, I can offer that.

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