Poker, Trust, and the Long Game of Refinement
May 31, 2025
A reflection on self-trust, poker variance, and integrating lessons from both the highs and the lows.
There was a time not long ago where I won almost every tournament I played. It wasn’t luck. It wasn’t even volume. It was a run — a genuine heater — and I didn’t take it in.
I made nearly $20,000 in three months playing low-stakes tournaments with an average buy-in of $35. And at the time, I didn’t shout about it. I didn’t feel arrogant. But maybe I didn’t fully absorb it either. I kept playing, thinking the run would last forever. When it didn’t, I wasn’t prepared for how hard the downswing would hit.
And yet, that downswing taught me more than the winning ever did.
Refinement Over Results
What I’ve learned is that the game isn’t about momentary highs or punishing lows. It’s about refinement — about making slightly better decisions over time, trusting the small signals, and building a self that doesn’t need external results to know they’re on track.
Sometimes that means folding nines on the bubble. Sometimes that means walking away when every part of you wants to prove something. And sometimes, it means looking back and giving yourself credit for things you never stopped to acknowledge.
Poker mirrors life: how you handle the streaks, how you recover from the crashes, and how you trust your process when there’s no immediate feedback.
Discernment, Not Perfection
There’s a quiet voice now — the one that asks, “Is this too marginal?” It doesn’t always know the answer. But every time I pause and assess instead of rushing to act, I get slightly closer to clarity. That’s the game now. Not perfection, but discernment. Not dominance, but awareness.
And it’s not just about poker. That mindset ripples into everything.
Trusting Myself Again
I’ve let ego drive a lot of decisions in my past — in poker, in relationships, in life. But something’s shifted. I’m not chasing wins to feel whole. I’m not playing to escape. I’m playing because I love the game, because it suits my energy, and because I’m building a life that doesn’t need me to constantly prove my worth.
I’m learning to trust myself — not blindly, but steadily. I know I’ll keep refining. I’ll make fewer big errors. And the little ones? I’ll spot them sooner and let them teach me.
A Quiet Kind of Freedom
If poker becomes my main source of income, it won’t be because I had no other choice — it’ll be because it gives me the freedom to live a life I believe in. To rest when I need to. To support the people I choose to help. To stay home with my son, walk the dog, and still show up fully in the moments that matter.
That’s the real prize.
And today, I’m not chasing it. I’m already living it.