Rebuilding My Body Battery

Looking at the last month on my Garmin, one thing stands out:
I’ve barely been able to recover.

There were maybe a few spikes of energy, but nothing sustained.
My body battery would rise and then crash — fast.
And I felt it.

Getting rejected from Level 4 hit me harder than I realised.
Not just emotionally, but energetically.
It’s like it drained my capacity — my ability to regulate, rest, and show up the way I want to, especially as a dad.

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I notice how that period bled into the way I looked after Victor.
Not that I wasn’t there — but I wasn’t fully there.
There wasn’t enough of me to go around.

And that hurt.

Because I want to be the kind of dad who has reserves.
Who can stay patient.
Who can offer presence instead of just surviving the day.

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This weekend, though, I felt something shift.
I hit 100% body battery for the first time in a long while.
And what’s more — I stayed regulated.
I played football with Vic.
I handled awkward social moments.
I set boundaries.
I was present.
I parented — not perfectly, but from a fuller place.

And I think I did a good job.
A really good job.

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This isn’t just about energy levels.
It’s about self-respect.
It’s about seeing what happens when I finally have space to be myself again, and how that self shows up in love.

I don’t want to be that depleted again.
I don’t want to run on fumes and then judge myself for not giving enough.
I want to keep doing the quiet work that allows me to be the man I actually am underneath the burnout.

Because I am a good father.
And a good man.
And I show up better when I’m not at war with myself.

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