What does it mean to reclaim your own authority?

In Chapter 19 of Living an Examined Life, James Hollis reminds us that we are always answering to something — a belief system, a culture, a family script, a voice from the past.

But unless we pause and ask who we’re actually answering to, we might live our entire life trying to please ghosts — while our soul starves.

“Who is the authority in your life?”
— James Hollis

That question stopped me.

Because for so long, my authority was survival.

  • I answered to the fear of being too much.
  • I answered to the guilt of disappointing people.
  • I answered to rules I never agreed to, just to keep the peace.

Even after I cut ties, distanced myself, and built a more honest life — I can still feel the old pull.
The instinct to check: Is this allowed?
Is this safe?
Will someone be angry if I choose this for myself?

But real adulthood — real freedom — means turning inward and asking:
What do I know to be true?
What do I value, even if no one else agrees?
What life do I want to live, regardless of how it’s received?

This isn’t about defiance.
It’s about integrity.

And integrity, Hollis says, means living in alignment with our own soul — even when it costs us approval.

I’m not here to follow a script that was written before I even had language.
I’m here to write something new — even if my voice shakes while I do it.

That’s what reclaiming authority looks like.
Not certainty. Not bravado.
Just a quiet, steady return to the person I was always meant to be.