“The task of a mature adulthood is the recovery of personal authority.” — James Hollis

This chapter could have been written directly to me.

For years, I handed over my power without realising it. I let others decide what was “best” for me — tutors, parents, systems, expectations. I internalised the idea that someone else always knew better. And the more I did that, the more I lost access to my own truth.

But I see it now.

Personal authority isn’t about defiance. It’s not about being loud or dominant or even “confident” in the way we’re taught to admire. It’s quieter than that. It’s knowing what you know — and standing in it — even when others don’t agree. Even when they ignore you, dismiss you, or try to shape you into something else.

This past year, I’ve seen what it looks like to reclaim that authority. I’ve asked questions that made people uncomfortable. I’ve spoken truths I once would have swallowed. And when an institution gave me a vague answer that didn’t sit right — I didn’t shrink. I stood up and said, this isn’t okay.

That’s what Hollis is pointing to.

Not control. Not perfection. But sovereignty.

The kind that doesn’t need external permission to be real. The kind that listens inward — deeply — and acts from that place, even when it’s lonely.

That’s the life I want. That’s the man I’m becoming. Not reactive. Not obedient. But grounded, clear, and honest.

And if that unsettles people? So be it. Because I’m not here to make others comfortable. I’m here to live in truth.