Repairing Instead of Perfecting

I feel bloated. I feel overweight. I feel like I let myself down in a way. But it’s nowhere near as strong as it has been in the past.

It’s like I’m a different person when I’m dysregulated late at night — and I’m learning to meet that version of myself with compassion instead of criticism. To simply say, “Mate, you’re trying your best, but you need sleep.”

That is the repairing. That’s the real work.

I can’t always stop it from happening. But I can control how much it affects my life. I’m not aiming to be perfect. I’m learning to re-regulate. To trust myself again. To love myself, even when it’s hard.

And I know that when I’ve built that kind of secure base inside, welcoming others — a partner, friends, support — will come more naturally. Because then, I’ll know I have something good to offer. Not just on the days I feel calm and grounded… but also on the days I don’t.

That’s not immaturity. If anything, it might be the most mature thing I’ve ever learned.

I feel like I’m very close to being able to welcome people into my life with open arms — and in a very safe way.

And yeah… we’ll see what happens.