Self-Respect Is a Gift I Give My Son

It’s taken me a while to realise this:

It’s not cruel to say “Don’t speak to me like that.”
It’s not harsh to say “That tone isn’t okay.”
It’s self-respect—and it might be the most loving thing I can model for my son.

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He’s seven now. He’s growing. Testing. Pushing.
And lately, I’ve noticed him moaning more, asking for things that are intentionally difficult or impossible—like pancakes that are thin but not crispy, or complaining when I ask him to check his phone before I leave for a dog walk, even though he told me he felt lonely last time.

There’s part of me that used to say:

“It’s fine—he’s just six. He’s just seven.”
And yes, some of that behaviour is age-appropriate.

But another part of me knows:
He understands.
He knows when he’s being disrespectful.
He knows when he’s testing limits.
And he knows, now, when I’m not okay with it.

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What changed is that I stopped feeling shame for being annoyed.
I stopped thinking I had to be endlessly patient to be a good father.
I started seeing that saying “That’s not okay” is also saying:

“I matter too.”
“You don’t need to perform for love—but you also don’t get to treat people poorly.”
“Love includes respect, on both sides.”

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He even admitted it once:

“I kind of enjoy moaning.”

And that honesty gave me hope.
He’s not bad. He’s not broken.
He’s just human—like me.

And what he needs isn’t a flawless parent.
He needs someone anchored enough to say no.
To hold firm.
To show him what self-respect looks like in real time, even with someone I love more than anything.

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I used to think love meant self-sacrifice.
Now I think it means showing up honestly.

So when I say, “Don’t speak to me like that,”
I’m not pushing him away.

I’m giving him the most powerful gift I know:
A model of a man who knows his worth, and still leads with love.

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Because the truth is—
I don’t want him to learn that love means tolerating disrespect.
I want him to feel the kind of love that’s strong, clear, and safe enough to say:

“I care about you deeply.
And I also care about myself.”

That’s what I want to give him.
That’s what I wish I had learned earlier.

And that’s the kind of father I’m becoming.