She Was a Mirror, Not a Monster

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I used to think my relationship with my ex was toxic, full stop. But the further I move into awareness, the more I realise it wasn’t just about her. It was about the patterns I brought with me — and the ones she brought too.

I projected my mother onto her. Strongly. I see that now. And I’m sure she projected her father onto me. Together, we weren’t just reacting to each other — we were reacting to ghosts. Wounds. Legacies.

And as I started to heal, to notice my own projections and behaviours, I changed. I softened. I grew. And in doing so, I left her behind. Not out of malice, but out of movement. The dynamic shifted. What once felt like connection began to feel like imbalance. We were no longer compatible in our pain.

That realisation used to bring me shame. Now, it brings me clarity.

She was a great lesson. Not a forever person, maybe not even a right person, but a necessary one. I wish I’d had the tools to leave sooner — but then again, my dad never left my mum. And I did. That means something.

It didn’t end perfectly. It hurt. But it ended in a way that gave space for something better — if not with someone else, then at least between me and my son. Between me and myself.

And that matters more than anything.

There’s a quiet pride in knowing I’ve broken a pattern. Even if I walk forward alone, I do so with integrity. I’m not recreating the same chaos. I’m not teaching my son that love means pain or that partnership means self-abandonment.

She was a mirror. Not a monster.
And I’ve learned to thank the mirror — and move on.

I now know the kind of relationship I want to model for my son. One built on mutual respect, emotional safety, and truth. Even if I never find that kind of partnership, he’ll grow up seeing that love isn’t about control or collapse. It’s about presence, honesty, and wholeness.

The real relationship I’ve been building is with myself. And through that, I’ve already changed the story for him.