Shining a Light Without a Need to Burn

Something’s been unfolding in me that I didn’t have words for until recently.

I’ve realized that my life has been so difficult—so full of loss, disappointment, and self-reliance—that I’ve cultivated something that looks like power but feels more like sovereignty.

I don’t need anything from anyone anymore.

That’s not bitterness. It’s not bravado. It’s just a quiet, grounded knowing. I don’t need a qualification to prove my worth. I don’t need a title to do meaningful work. I don’t even need recognition, though of course it would be nice. What I’ve come to realize is that when you no longer need to be anything, you get to simply be.

When I reflect on the counselling training I’ve done so far, it hasn’t left the impression I hoped it would. In fact, it’s highlighted how many people in positions of authority are still carrying their own unresolved wounds—and how those wounds leak into the room.

Tutors with BACP accreditation. Tutors with control issues. Tutors who, in my experience, sometimes weaponised their position rather than modelled the grounded presence they claimed to teach.

And I don’t say that with venom. I say it because it’s true.

I don’t think I’ll pursue the BACP route with the same eagerness I once held. Not because I’m disheartened—though I was—but because I’ve realized it’s not necessary. You don’t need BACP accreditation to help people. You don’t need a title to be therapeutic. Your work—your presence, your energy, your integrity—will speak for itself. And more importantly: I don’t need this path to provide me an income.

That changes everything.

When you’re not reliant on client retention to pay your bills, you’re free. Free to tell the truth. Free to let people go. Free to build something with no strings attached. And that’s exactly what I want to do with my site. I want to build a place that holds people—not to keep them, not to subtly hook them into something—but to genuinely offer support.

Even if it’s not as personal as a 1:1 relationship, I know the heart it comes from. I know the intention behind every page, every reflection. And if no one ever benefits from it, I’ll be okay. Slightly disappointed, maybe. But okay. Because the act of making it has meaning for me. That’s enough.

And if the institutions I once looked to can’t see my worth, I won’t fight them. I won’t collapse into a childlike rebellion. I’ll just shine a light on what I see. I’ll point to the gaps, not to attack, but to clarify. If my presence triggered those in charge, that tells me something. If they were well-regulated within themselves, they wouldn’t have reacted at all. They would have responded with curiosity, not control.

That’s the part I keep coming back to. The emotional reactivity of people who are meant to model calm. The subtle (or not-so-subtle) power plays from people who preach equality. It was unsettling at first. But now it’s clarifying. Because if they are triggered, that’s not my responsibility. That’s their own material rising to the surface.

And maybe my real training was in seeing that—and learning not to doubt myself.

So no, I don’t need to burn anything down. But I will hold up a light. And let what’s true become visible.