For years I mistook love for something else.
I thought it was about proving myself, about being chosen, about control disguised as care. That kind of “love” left me depleted, isolated, and confused.

But lately, I’ve started to notice something different.

Love doesn’t always arrive in the form we expect. It can be as simple as:

  • A stranger in the park, not usually social, choosing to talk with me for an hour.
  • Someone at a counter noticing I looked emotional, and handing me a McFlurry I didn’t even want.
  • The quiet gift of attention, presence, or kindness — with no strings attached.

At first, I didn’t give those moments much space. I thought, I’m not giving anything back. But I see now that’s not true. My very presence, my openness, is already something. That’s why people linger. That’s why conversations unfold naturally.

The Alchemy of Presence

My business was called Alchemy, and I find it funny that even though I no longer trade under that name, the process itself lives on in me.

Because what is alchemy, if not transformation?

  • The lead of grief, shame, and loneliness becomes the gold of gratitude.
  • The absence of parental love becomes the capacity to notice the smallest, purest gestures of love in others.
  • The cycle of retreat and re-emergence sharpens my radar for what’s authentic and what’s control disguised as care.

Every time I re-emerge, I seem to notice more. And each time, the love I see is gentler, freer, and more true.

Love doesn’t need to control or demand.
It often whispers in small gestures, freely given.

So I carry this with me now:
Love is not about possession or proving myself.
It’s about presence.
It’s about recognising the ordinary moments where kindness breaks through.
It’s about learning to receive, without needing to justify why.

And in those small gestures, I find enough.