The Day I Felt Nothing — And Why That Matters

Self‑Mothering Playlist → I saw someone today — someone I used to have a complicated dynamic with.

A neighbour I had to set strong boundaries with.
Someone who entered my house without permission more than once.
Someone who used my presence to meet his own needs, but couldn’t hold space for mine.
Someone who took up more emotional room than he was ever invited to.

And today, I saw him in Asda.
We made eye contact.
And I felt… nothing.

No awkwardness.
No inner conflict.
No desire to avoid.
No need to explain or perform.

Just… indifference.
And to me, that means everything.

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⚖️ What This Taught Me

For a long time, I wasn’t taught that I had a right to my space.
Not emotional space.
Not physical space.
Not psychological space.

I learned that people could come and go, that my boundaries were suggestions, not truths.
I learned to manage other people’s feelings before my own.
I learned to shrink, to adapt, to explain.

And I unlearned all of that the hard way.

So when I say I felt nothing when I saw him, I don’t mean I’m numb.
I mean I’m clear.

I know what I allow into my life.
I know that no one gets access to me unless I say so.
I know that I don’t need to make space for people who don’t know how to honour mine.

And that knowledge didn’t come from a book.
It came from boundaries set, lessons lived, tears cried, and self-trust slowly rebuilt.

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🧭 What Indifference Really Means

Indifference isn’t cruelty.
It’s peace.

It’s what happens when a dynamic that used to pull at your energy now has no access to you.
It’s the quiet evidence that something in you has healed.

I used to think healing would feel like power. Like strength.
But today, it felt like nothing.
And it was everything.

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If you’re learning to set boundaries — and it feels clumsy or heavy or unnatural — keep going.
Because one day, you’ll walk past someone who used to take up far too much of your emotional life, and you’ll feel… nothing.

And that moment will say:

“I’m not available for that anymore.
Not because I’m angry.
But because I’m free.”