The Last Pedestal

There’s a part of me — not the rebellious part, but something quieter and clearer — that doesn’t want to see my former therapist anymore.

It’s not anger. It’s not even disappointment, really. It’s something more fundamental:

A recognition that the relationship continued longer than it should have.

And in that recognition, something big has shifted.

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He Was the Last Pedestal

Everyone else in my life, at some point, I’d already knocked off the pedestal — whether gently or through painful collapse. But this one remained. Not as a god, but as someone I quietly believed might still know more about me than I do. That he could still see what I couldn’t. That he had the key.

Letting that go was hard.
Not because I depended on him, but because I still held the hope that someone might just know what I need better than I do.

But I see it now — even experienced practitioners make mistakes. And it’s okay.
We’re all human.
But placing someone else above myself in my own life is no longer something I’m willing to do.

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Reclaiming the Authority

It’s like I’ve ripped the bandage off — painfully, but cleanly.
And in doing so, I’ve placed the responsibility and accountability back into my own hands.

And I’m ready for that.

I’m at a point in my life where I can hold it — not with shame or fear, but with a sense of quiet strength.

No one knows better than me what my body feels.
No one knows better than me when I’ve had enough.
No one knows better than me what I need to heal.

And I’m done pretending otherwise.

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Was It All Projection?

It’s true that therapists sometimes challenge us.
Sometimes they ask questions that piss us off.
Sometimes they push us when we’re not sure we want to be pushed — and in hindsight, it helps.

But sometimes… we just project power onto them because it feels safer than trusting ourselves.

And if I’m honest, maybe that’s what I was still doing.
Maybe I needed him to be right — even when it didn’t feel right — because it gave me something to lean on.

But I don’t need that anymore.
And seeing that clearly feels… free.

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What Happens Now?

I’m not saying I won’t regress sometimes.
I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out.
But I am saying this:

I trust myself more than I ever have.
I don’t need anyone above me in my own story.
And I’m no longer looking for someone to give me permission to live.

The last pedestal has fallen.
And in its place is me — standing on solid ground.