The Truth About Your Parents
June 16, 2025
A letter to my son — not to rewrite the past, but to help him understand it. This is the story of what happened between his mum and me, and what I hope he always carries forward.
A Letter to My Son
I never thought I’d change the parenting arrangement. For years, I held the line — always doing things 50/50 — because I believed it was the loving thing to do. That anything less was a failure. But now I see something I didn’t before.
Letting the Story Soften
For a long time, I saw your mum through the lens of my own — cold, emotionally distant, manipulative. But that wasn’t really fair. Yes, she did things that hurt me, but she’s not my mother. She’s someone with her own softness, her own warmth, her own story.
She has qualities my own mum never had — gentleness, creativity, a real nurturing side. She loves helping people. She loves family. She loves you.
She didn’t always know how to be emotionally open with me. When I was vulnerable, it felt like she shut down — like she couldn’t meet me there. That was painful. But I believe that had more to do with how she was raised than any intention to hurt me.
She did cheat. She did lie. That hurt me more than I can describe. But I don’t believe she did it to harm me. I think she was scared, confused, maybe unsure of how she really felt, and didn’t know how to speak that truth directly. That doesn’t make it okay — but it does make it human.
If You Ever Wonder
If you’re ever confused about what happened between your mum and me — I want you to know this:
We did love each other.
Maybe not in a perfect or always healthy way — but real love existed between us.
And you were born from that love. You were never a mistake. Never an accident.
You are the most important thing we ever created together.
Whatever went wrong between us wasn’t because of you. If anything, you kept us together longer — and that’s not your fault either. That’s on us, as adults, trying to figure things out with the tools we had.
We both loved you then.
We both love you now.
And that will never change.
That’s all this was meant to say.
If music or writing or time ever helps you understand it better — you’ll find your way.
And I’ll always be your dad.