I thought the decision not to accept me onto Level 4 would crush me.

And for a while, it did.

Not because I needed their validation — but because I was ready to build a life from that structure. It felt like a base, a path forward, a commitment to a future I was finally ready to live.

But they didn’t give me the chance.
They didn’t invite me into a conversation or trust me to make the decision for myself.
They made it for me.

And in doing so, they reminded me of something I’ve spent my life learning to unlearn:
That people in power don’t always see you clearly — and you don’t have to internalize their blindness.

So now, I’m choosing something far more radical:

A year off.
A year to come home to myself.
To not abandon my truth in pursuit of a place that couldn’t hold it.

It doesn’t feel like a dramatic decision anymore.
It feels obvious. Quietly powerful. Almost… soft.

Because the most empowering thing I can do is not force my way in somewhere that didn’t fully see or accept me.
Instead, I’ll take my time.
Choose another college when it feels right.
And keep building the kind of life that doesn’t require me to shrink in order to fit.

This isn’t a step back.
It’s a step toward myself.

And that’s not a loss.
That’s a homecoming.