They Called It Feedback — But It Felt Like a Setup

It wasn’t even a question.
It was a setup.
I didn’t ask for help.
I wasn’t struggling with the assignment.
And yet, in front of a full class — thirty people — my tutor decided to bring up a moment of vulnerability I’d shared with her six months earlier.

No context. No invitation. Just… exposure.
A pointed remark about something I could “work on” — pulled out of nowhere.

I’d told her the week before that I didn’t feel comfortable discussing personal struggles in a group setting.
And I’d said it clearly.
But she ignored that.

I composed myself.
I offered a soft boundary:
“I’d rather not talk about this here.”

She pushed again.

And when I held my ground without losing my temper — she smiled and said:

“That’s growth, because before you would have reacted.”

No.
You don’t get to do that.

You don’t get to provoke someone, violate a boundary, ignore consent — and then take credit for their emotional regulation.
That’s not mentorship. That’s manipulation.

What hurts is that I trusted her.
We had a decent rapport.
She wasn’t just some outsider.
And that made it worse — because what happened didn’t come from ignorance.
It came from choice.

The kind of choice people make when they already believe you’re unstable.
When they want to push, just enough, to see if you’ll crack.

But I didn’t crack.

Afterwards, several people in the class came up to me.
They asked why she did that.
They knew something felt off.

She didn’t apologise.
She didn’t check in.
She just moved on, like nothing happened.

But I didn’t.

Because I felt it.
And I think part of me had felt it coming all along — the unspoken belief that I couldn’t be trusted to handle myself, that I was one “reaction” away from proving them right.

Except… I didn’t give them that.

I didn’t react.

So no — that wasn’t growth.
That was grace under pressure I should never have been put under.
That was me protecting myself when someone else didn’t.
That was me remembering who I am.

And I won’t apologise for wanting privacy in my healing.
That’s not a barrier to growth.
That is growth.

Reflective question:
Have you ever been congratulated for your composure — by the very person who provoked you?