This Might Be the Moment I Finally Let Someone In
June 06, 2025
I’ve spent years protecting myself by not trusting others. But what if the safety I’ve been searching for is already here — and I just need to let it in?
I think this might be the moment I finally let someone in.
Not because the world suddenly feels safe.
Not because all my doubts have vanished.
But because I’m starting to see the truth behind my own defenses — and they’re not as necessary as they once were.
Lately, I’ve been noticing something hard to sit with:
I haven’t been mistreated by my tutors.
They’ve been kind. Present. Supportive.
But I’ve still been questioning them — analyzing their motives, bracing for judgment, assuming threat.
And I think I see why now.
It’s not because they’ve done anything wrong.
It’s because I’ve been projecting my past onto them —
because on some level, I sensed they were safe enough to hold it.
Which is strangely beautiful, if you think about it.
I’ve written in my assignments about my mother, about the difficulty I’ve had trusting women in power.
So they probably understand more than I give them credit for.
They’ve likely felt my distance, my defensiveness, my internal tug-of-war between wanting connection and pulling away from it.
And they’ve stayed present anyway.
Not perfect.
But steady.
And that’s what safety really looks like.
But here’s what really stopped me in my tracks:
If I need to project that hard onto someone just to feel safe around them…
how could I ever expect a partner to hold that?
And I wouldn’t want that for someone I love.
Because that kind of mistrust — that need to test, to preempt pain, to stay in control —
it doesn’t protect love.
It prevents it.
So maybe this is the moment.
The moment I stop choosing people I know I can’t trust, just so I can stay in charge of the ending.
The moment I stop looking for proof of threat and start looking for signs of care.
The moment I stop fighting the very thing I’ve always longed for.
This doesn’t mean I trust everyone.
It doesn’t mean I won’t still feel fear.
But it might mean I’m finally learning how to hold that fear
without letting it hold me back.
This might be the moment I finally let someone in.