This Site Is Not a Performance

I’ve shared my site with a few people recently, and something unexpected came up.

I started feeling pressure—like I had to fix everything right now.
The layout’s broken in places. Some things aren’t functioning. I unraveled parts of the code so I could rebuild it in a way that made more sense long-term.

But now that others have seen it, there’s this feeling like I need to rush. Like I can’t afford to let them see the in-between.

That’s survival energy.
It’s not wisdom.
It’s the old voice that says, “If it’s not perfect, it’s not worthy.”

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But this site isn’t a pitch deck.
It’s not a polished portfolio.
It’s a process.
A space to be honest. To grow. To heal.

And if I shame myself into rushing it—into hiding the messy middle—I’m betraying the very reason this site exists.

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I’ve only been working on this properly for a couple of weeks.
It’s a lifelong project. A living archive of emotional growth and self-trust.

And if someone judges it in its current state—
that’s okay.
If they don’t see the potential—
that’s okay too.
Because I see it. I feel it.

And more importantly, I know that it will get done.
In my time. In my rhythm.

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So I’m not rushing anymore.

Not because I’m lazy.
But because I respect the pace at which true things are built.

This site is not a performance.
It’s a home.
For me. For my voice. For the quiet parts that were never meant to be rushed.