To the People I Pushed Away
June 08, 2025
You didn’t do anything wrong. I just didn’t know how to be close without fear. And I’m sorry if my silence ever made you feel small.
To the people I pulled away from,
went quiet on,
distanced myself from — even though part of me wanted to be closer:
I’m sorry.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
You didn’t scare me away.
I just didn’t know how to stay — not safely, not without shame.
🧠 I Was Afraid
Afraid of being seen.
Afraid of being misunderstood.
Afraid of hurting you with my own confusion.
Afraid that if I got too close, I’d be rejected — again.
So I chose silence.
Distance.
Withdrawal.
Not because I didn’t care.
But because I cared more than I knew how to handle.
🩹 It Wasn’t About You
It was about my past.
My nervous system.
My belief that love was earned, and that I could never quite earn it.
I projected all of that onto you.
And then I ran.
Or disappeared.
Or became quiet and unreadable.
And for that, I’m sorry.
🕯 I See It Now
I’m learning how to stay.
How to trust connection again.
How to speak when I’m afraid instead of vanishing into silence.
Some of you might not even remember.
Some of you might have felt confused or hurt.
Some of you might have done the same.
But to anyone I’ve ever pushed away —
Please know this:
It wasn’t because you weren’t enough.
It was because I thought I wasn’t.
Thank you for the space you gave me — even if it wasn’t a choice.
And if you’re reading this now… thank you for still being here.