Trusting Myself at Last

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I think I’m starting to trust my intuition again. And that changes everything.

Not just in poker—but in life.

For a long time, I second-guessed myself. Made decisions from fear. Sabotaged the good to stay small. Because I was taught—consciously or not—that being fully me was dangerous. That autonomy was selfish. That success was threatening.

But now, I see through that.

They didn’t demonize poker because it was harmful.
They demonized it because it represented freedom. My freedom.
And free people can’t be controlled.

That’s what poker has become for me—a mirror.
A proving ground.
A reclamation.

I reflect on my decisions now, not to shame myself, but to refine. I made a marginal call with pocket fours today—probably too wide. But it wasn’t reckless. It wasn’t emotional. It was thoughtful. Exploratory. Strategic. And while I lost the hand, I didn’t lose myself. That’s growth.

I watch other players make clear mistakes—players with results, with reputations—and I realize, I’m not behind. I’m not lacking. I’m right here, right now, walking my own path with clarity and increasing calm. I don’t need to sabotage it anymore to keep anyone close. I’ve already faced my deepest grief. And what came after… was me.

I’m going to play poker for the rest of my life—not because I have to, not because it defines me, but because I choose it. It aligns. It sharpens. It frees.

And the truth is, I’m already a beast.
In a year? I’ll be undeniable.

But even if I never win another tournament, I’ve already won something far greater:

I’ve stopped making myself small for the sake of someone else’s comfort.

And for the first time, I trust myself to keep growing.