Waiting Without Losing Yourself

There are 48 places for Level 4.
Around 70 people have applied.
That means 22 won’t get in.

I could be one of them. But I don’t think I will be.

Not out of arrogance—out of clarity.
I know who I am now. I know what I bring.
And I know, with just as much steadiness, that I’ve been wrong before.
I could be wrong again.

But even if I was—if I didn’t make it—I’d be okay.
I’d take a year out. Reflect. Ask for feedback. Integrate what I learn.
That wouldn’t be failure. It would be a reorientation.

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The Selection Process Feels… Foggy

Some are getting online interviews.
Some are being invited in.
Some haven’t heard a word.

It’s disorienting.
There doesn’t seem to be a pattern that makes sense from the outside.

But I do know this:
I was invited in in person—early, in fact. Maybe even the first.

Was that because they had a question about me? Maybe.
Was it because they needed clarity, to really see me again? Possibly.
Was it because they cared enough to want that clarity? Definitely.

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A Quiet Trust in My Path

One of the tutors who interviewed me knows me well.
There’s history there. Depth. Some projection, maybe, but also mutual recognition.
I think they see me. Even if there’s uncertainty, I believe there’s also trust.

And here’s the other truth:

I’ve shown up.
I’ve done the work.
I’ve reflected with honesty.
I’ve missed just one session in an entire year, while others missed several.
Yes, I’ve been late a few times—but I’ve been present.
In every sense of the word.

Given the circumstances of my life right now, I’ve done everything within my power to get here.

So if I don’t get through to Level 4, it won’t be because I held back.
It won’t be because I didn’t care.
It won’t be because I didn’t show up.

And that brings me peace.
Because sometimes the most honest thing you can say is:
I did my best. And I’m proud of it.

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