Was I “Too Much” for Level 4 — or Just Too Close to the Truth?
June 22, 2025
After being accepted into Level 2 and 3, I wasn’t accepted into Level 4 — and it’s left me wondering if I was never really seen, or if I simply became too real to be palatable.
I’m not angry.
Not really.
Just confused. Disappointed. Curious.
Because if I wasn’t ready for Level 4, then what changed?
I’ve already done Level 2. I’ve already done Level 3.
I showed up. I reflected. I learned how to listen — both to others, and to myself.
So why now?
Why here?
When Growth Starts to Scare the System
If I had to guess — and that’s all I can do, because no one gave me real feedback — it’s not my listening skills that disqualified me.
It’s my life.
It’s the fact I’ve lived through a lot.
That I’ve broken down and rebuilt.
That I carry intensity, depth, and real emotional history — the kind most therapists are trained to hold, but not always comfortable being around.
And maybe that’s too much when you’re about to get qualified.
Because once you cross that line, you’re not a student anymore.
You’re a colleague.
Maybe the risk wasn’t that I couldn’t help people.
Maybe it was that I’d show how powerful lived experience can really be.
The Question Underneath It All
If I was truly unfit to train as a therapist, why was I ever allowed into Level 2?
Why continue to endorse my growth through Level 3?
What changed?
Was it me — or was it them?
Was it that they could see what I’ve been through…
but they couldn’t handle what it might mean to stand beside me once I’m qualified?
What I’m Sitting With Now
I’m not saying I’m perfect.
I’m not even saying I’m ready — whatever that means.
But I am saying I’ve done the work.
I am saying that, at this point in my life, I’m more grounded, more aware, and more aligned than I’ve ever been.
And still — that wasn’t enough.
That’s what stings.
Not the no itself, but the unknowing.
The silence.
The feeling of being judged, but not understood.
Maybe the Path Bends Here
There’s a part of me that still wants to do Level 4.
To finish what I started. To honour the story with a qualification.
But there’s also a part that wonders if this whole thing was pointing me somewhere else — toward something less boxed in, more alive.
Maybe the real growth isn’t proving myself to a panel.
Maybe it’s living in a way that doesn’t need their approval.