There’s a moment I keep coming back to —
the moment where I wonder if I was wrong.

Maybe it wasn’t personal.
Maybe there wasn’t a place on Level 4.
Maybe I did talk too much in the listening exercises.
Maybe my intuition about the power dynamics… was off.

But then I remember what actually happened.
The way things were said. The way they were done.
The joy I saw in a tutor’s eyes when I went into an interview that made no sense for me to be in.
The feedback brought up in front of an entire class without invitation — not as support, but as some kind of subtle exposure.
The “you would’ve reacted before” comment, as if orchestrating a trigger was her version of helping me grow.

And the truth is — I handled it all.
I stayed composed. I asserted soft boundaries.
I showed up every week and took the work seriously.
No missteps. No outbursts. No instability.
Just the quiet kind of strength that often goes unnoticed.

So which is it?

Was I being tested… or dismissed?
Were they trying to help me grow… or hoping I’d crack?

I honestly don’t know.
And maybe I never will.

But what I do know is this:

If my intuition was right — then it wasn’t safe for me there.
And if my intuition wasn’t right — then it still wasn’t safe, because no one bothered to check in, clarify, or offer repair.

And either way — I’ve grown more in this tension than I ever would’ve on that course.

So I’ve applied elsewhere.
I’ve let go of trying to prove anything.
And I’m leaning even deeper into who I am, because I finally trust it.

The question I used to ask was:
What if I’m wrong about them?
But now I ask something far more important:

What if I’m finally right about me?