We Are Here To Become Ourselves

“We are not here to fit in, be well balanced, or provide examples for others. We are here to become ourselves.” — James Hollis

I needed to hear this. Not just once, but again and again. Because there’s a deep part of me that still tries to be good — to behave, to please, to be seen as “reasonable,” “regulated,” “mature.”

But Hollis is saying: That’s not the goal. The goal is not to be the example. The goal is not to be admired. The goal is not even to be “balanced.” The goal is to become yourself — fully.

And that’s messy.

Because sometimes becoming yourself means disappointing people. Sometimes it means questioning authority. Sometimes it means not getting into Level 4 — and trusting that maybe, you’re not meant to fit into a space that can’t see you clearly.

For years, I tried to fit in — not just socially, but energetically. I toned myself down. I made myself easier to digest. I became a version of myself that didn’t ask too many questions or cause too much discomfort.

But I was slowly disappearing.

Now, I don’t want to be “well balanced.” I want to be real. I want to be a father who shows his son what it looks like to live truthfully, not perform perfection. I want to walk through life with all the contradiction and beauty and rough edges intact.

Because the alternative? Living as a model citizen of someone else’s design — That’s not a life. That’s a performance.

And I’m done performing.

I’m not here to be liked. I’m here to become.