There’s a particular kind of missing that doesn’t come from romance or intensity — it comes from safety. From the quiet relief of being around someone who doesn’t drain you, demand you, or disregard you. Someone who simply lets you be.

I recently realised I miss someone like that.

She was a classmate. Not someone I knew deeply, but enough to feel something shift in me when we spoke. I told her I genuinely liked her — not in a dramatic, romantic way — but because being around her felt safe. I didn’t have to perform or protect myself. And in a world where emotional safety feels rare, that meant more than I even knew at the time.

It wasn’t even about sexual attraction, really. I just noticed I felt calm. Steady. That box — the one labelled “feel safe in someone’s presence” — got ticked in a way I hadn’t experienced in years.

And now that she’s not around, I miss her. But I also realise I might just be missing the feeling. The feeling of being seen without scrutiny. Of not having to scan for threat. Of simply existing next to someone and knowing I’m okay as I am.

And that’s a powerful thing to notice — not to cling to a person, but to honour the quality of connection they gave me a glimpse of.

I’ve also started noticing a similar pull with someone else — a man I felt drawn to. But that dynamic felt slightly different, more complex. I wonder if he’s a bit avoidant. And I wonder if some old pattern in me wanted to prove I was worthy of his attention. Still, he felt emotionally safe enough at times to show me something important: I’m not seeking perfection. I’m seeking connection that doesn’t hurt.

What all of this has shown me is that I’m changing. Therapy has taught me to feel emotional safety in my body, not just think it. And now, I know what to look for. I know what to protect. And I know that even if those particular people are no longer in my life, the capacity for that kind of connection is alive in me.

That gives me hope. And it gives me direction.