What If Connection Will Come?

Today, I made a cup of tea and sat with myself—not because I had to, but because I wanted to. There was a stillness, a question lingering in the air:
What would I do right now if I fully trusted that connection would come?

And the answer surprised me.

I wouldn’t force anything.
I wouldn’t rush to fill the silence.
I wouldn’t chase strangers in the hope of being met.

I’d simply care for myself.

Not in a performative way. Not in a “look how well I’m doing” kind of way.
But in the quiet, grounded way love would do it—if it lived in me already.

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The Love That’s Already Here

I told myself gently: Alex, you’re okay, man. You’re loved.
Not in the romantic sense. But in the deep, steady, secure way.

I can feel it now—in the way my manager sees me. In the trust she places in me. She didn’t have to. She didn’t need to. She’s not being paid to care. She’s simply choosing to. That feels like love. Like real, adult, boundaried, no-strings-attached love.

Same with my therapists. Same with the part of me that’s learning to believe:
I’m not broken. I’ve never been broken. I just didn’t know what safe felt like.

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A Life Built From Within

So today, I’m not looking outward. I’m staying here.

• I’ll walk the dog.
• I might stretch, or go for a jog.
• I’ll tidy the kitchen—not out of duty, but out of care.
• I’ll maybe put a meal in the slow cooker.
• I’ll stop by McDonald’s, not for deep connection, but because it’s part of my rhythm.
• I’ll allow space for others, without demanding anything from them.

I’m laying a foundation—not for someone else, but for me.
Not in preparation for love, but because love is already here. Inside me.

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The Belief I’m Challenging

There’s a part of me that still says, “You haven’t found connection yet, so you probably never will.”
But that voice is getting quieter.

Because even in the absence of new friendships or romantic relationships, I can feel the security building inside. I’m becoming the kind of person who doesn’t need to grasp at connection—but who can welcome it, if and when it arrives.

And if it doesn’t? That’s okay too. Because the lesson has already landed.

I’ve seen what safe love looks like. I’ve tasted what it feels like to be trusted without needing to earn it. I’ve modeled it inside my body. And that changes everything.

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So What If Connection Will Come?

Then I’ll live like this.
Present. Gentle. Grounded.
Full of small, loving choices.

And maybe, in doing so, I’ll realize that connection already has.

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