What If I Don’t Want It Anymore?

For a long time, I wanted it.

The qualification. The title. The external stamp that says “you’re allowed to do this now.” I told myself it would give me more freedom, more security, more legitimacy. That it was the path to doing the work I care about.

But lately I’ve been sitting with something I didn’t expect:

What if I don’t want it anymore?

Not because I gave up. But because I woke up.

Because what I’ve seen—through the tutors, the gatekeeping, the lack of transparency—is that these institutions aren’t always built on the values they preach. Some of the people I’ve encountered with qualifications have used them as shields, not tools. As a way to deflect from their own work, rather than model it.

And meanwhile, I see people—unqualified in the official sense—offering real care, real presence, real impact. The same people being pointed at, judged, dismissed by the “professionals.”
But it’s not hard to see who’s actually doing the work.

I’m not saying there’s no value in formal training. But I am saying I don’t feel the need to fight for a seat at a table that doesn’t feel aligned anymore. Especially not when I’m already building something of my own.

The more I look at it, the more it becomes clear:
If I let go of the BACP route, I free up thousands of pounds.
I free up time with my son.
I free up my own pace.
I free myself from needing someone else’s permission to care.

And I’m already gaining real-world experience at Barnardo’s. I could deepen that. Show up more. Build real relationships. Learn from life, not just a syllabus.

It’s funny—the moment I stopped gripping so tightly to the outcome, I started seeing more clearly.
Maybe this isn’t the path I was meant to walk.
Maybe the reason it’s felt so heavy is because it’s no longer mine to carry.

And that’s not a loss.
That’s a return.

To the truth that I don’t need anyone’s title to do meaningful work.
To the realisation that I can create a life that holds others without losing myself.
To the quiet power of saying:

What if I don’t want it anymore? And what if that’s exactly what sets me free?

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