When Things Don’t Sit Right: Sitting with the Ambiguity

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Sometimes things just don’t sit right.

You walk away from a moment—an interaction, a conversation, an experience—and something lingers. A question. A discomfort. A subtle sense that something was… off.

That happened to me recently.

I was asked to come in for another listening interview, despite having already done a full one last week. No one else from my group was asked. My tutor even questioned why I was there. I smiled and said, “I don’t know either—but it’s nice to see you.”

But the pairing, the dynamic, the way things were arranged—it stirred something in me. I wondered if I was being tested. If assumptions were being made about me. If I was being placed in a situation to prove something that shouldn’t need proving.

Maybe none of that was true. Maybe all of it was. That’s the discomfort of ambiguity—it doesn’t hand you answers. It leaves you with questions. And if you’ve spent most of your life needing to feel safe, needing to understand every dynamic to protect yourself, then ambiguity doesn’t feel neutral. It feels dangerous.

But this time, something was different.

I didn’t spiral. I didn’t lash out. I didn’t retreat into shame.

I just noticed.

I noticed the possibility that something felt orchestrated.
I noticed how much I wanted clarity.
I noticed the old pull to over-analyze—but I didn’t lose myself to it.

And I noticed, too, that I held my integrity throughout.

I was kind. I was open. I didn’t project anything unfairly. And I clarified my intention in the moment, without needing days to process. That’s growth. That’s integration.

There’s a part of me—the old survival mode—that still scans the environment for hidden meaning. It once kept me safe. And now, I’m learning to use it as a tool, not a trap.

I may never know why things unfolded the way they did.
But I do know this: I acted in alignment with who I’m becoming.

And that’s enough.

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If you’re someone who also walks away from moments replaying every word, wondering if you misunderstood or were misunderstood—I see you.

It’s not easy. But it’s powerful when we can learn to sit with the ambiguity and trust that our body often knows what our mind can’t yet name.

Sometimes, the discomfort is the clarity.