When You Realise It Was Never Your Job to Fix Them

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Someone messaged me recently after months of silence—straight into their struggles, asking for help. No real “How are you?” No curiosity about what’s been happening in my world.

Just more of the same.

And for a long time, I would’ve dropped everything. I would’ve stayed up late, listened deeply, offered insight, and carried the emotional weight for both of us.

But I don’t do that anymore.

It’s not because I don’t care. I care deeply. But I’m no longer willing to be the go-to therapist for people who don’t even ask how I’m doing.

I used to feel guilty about that shift. Like I was abandoning people. But I’ve realised: it was never my job to fix anyone. Especially people who never held space for me in return.

These kinds of friendships aren’t balanced. They’re extractive.

Now, I pause before responding. I check in with myself first. Am I willing to give this energy? Will this be reciprocal? Will I leave this conversation feeling seen too?

If not, I step back.

Boundaries don’t mean I don’t care. They mean I finally care about myself, too.