I woke up just before 2am — and instead of fighting it, I just… let it be.

The strangest part is that I feel rested. Not in the way a full 8 hours might give me, but in a deeper, steadier way. Like my body knew it finally had permission to relax for real. I think I must’ve dropped into deep sleep early. And maybe that was enough.

Lately I’ve been in a kind of high-alert mode — caring for Victor, holding everything together, trying to stay emotionally regulated and steady through it all. Now, with him safely at his mum’s and no obligations ahead of me until Friday, there’s a kind of space.

And I’m not filling it with worry.

Usually, I’d blame myself: Did I eat too much ice cream? Should I have gone to bed earlier? Am I broken again? But tonight, I’m not doing that. Maybe I did eat a bit too much. But maybe my body just needed to sleep how it needed to sleep.

Sometimes rest doesn’t look like sleep.
Sometimes safety shows up in strange ways.

And now I get to let today unfold without pressure. I can nap later if I need. I don’t have to be productive. I just have to trust this rhythm and move with it.

Body Battery at 2:03am:
Charged: +17
Drained: 0
Battery: 64%

Not bad for a strange night. Not bad at all.

Maybe this is what freedom starts to feel like. Not in big moments. But in quiet ones — like waking up at 2am and not panicking.

A peaceful 2am scene through a window with stars and a glowing bedside lamp