I am learning that my discomfort in certain environments is not about race or culture — it is about belonging, social cues, and my need for a community that matches my nervous system.

The Shift

Today I realised something important about my relationship to where I live, who surrounds me, and what makes a place feel like “home.”

It is not skin colour, nationality, or demographic change that unsettles me.
It is behaviour — especially when people do not offer the basic social cues that make me feel acknowledged, safe, and part of the fabric of a place.

A simple “hello,” a nod, or a glance is enough.
When those cues disappear — regardless of who the person is — my system reads it as potential exclusion.

This isn’t racism.
This is attachment, belonging, and the human fear of invisibility.

Understanding the Real Fear

I named the underlying truth clearly:

  • If the people who moved in said hello, the entire discomfort would disappear.
  • When people walk past without acknowledgment, it feels strange and disorienting.
  • I don’t thrive in environments where connection is absent.
  • My nervous system needs small, predictable, friendly interactions.
  • The fear is about losing belonging, not losing “Britishness.”

What surfaced wasn’t prejudice — it was the wound of early emotional invisibility
meeting a changed social environment.

My body fears becoming the outsider on my own street.

This is not hatred.
This is humanity.

Learning From My Street

I’ve set boundaries with several neighbours, and the truth is:

  • I over-engaged in the past.
  • I trusted too quickly.
  • I entered dynamics before I understood myself.
  • I tolerated things I wouldn’t now.

These relationships reflect the younger version of me, not who I am today.

I am the common denominator, yes —
but I also wasn’t equipped with the self-regulation, boundaries, or discernment I have now.

It’s not the end of the world.
It’s simply a mismatch that grew more obvious as I matured.

What I Actually Want in a Home

Through this exploration, something clear emerged:

I want privacy without isolation.

My ideal setup is:

  • a detached house,
  • with a bit of land,
  • neighbours nearby but not in my pocket,
  • a sense of familiarity with people around me,
  • but freedom from unwanted closeness or intrusion.

I don’t want to be miles from civilisation —
I want access to the gym, parks, and places where gentle human contact happens naturally.

This is self-knowledge, not avoidance.

The Role of the Gym

The gym has become an important part of this clarity.

It gives me:

  • predictable social norms
  • people doing the same activity
  • micro-moments of connection
  • belonging without pressure
  • a structured environment
  • shared purpose
  • sensory regulation

I don’t need deep connection there —
just presence, warmth, and a sense of being among others.

Even in a dream home, I’d still want some version of this “third place.”

It nourishes me in a very specific way.

The Bigger Understanding

All of this points toward a deeper truth:

I am discovering what environment my regulated, adult self thrives in — not the fearful or lonely self I used to operate from.

This isn’t about rejecting others.
It’s about choosing a life that matches the rhythm of my nervous system:

  • space to breathe
  • people who acknowledge me
  • privacy I can control
  • access to gentle community
  • no forced closeness
  • no sense of being ignored or erased

This is not intolerance.
It is the beginning of authentic environmental design.

Conclusion

I don’t want to escape my neighbours.
I want to understand what belonging actually means to me.

Today helped me realise that:

  • safety comes from social cues,
  • not demographic sameness,
  • my boundaries are clearer,
  • my needs are valid,
  • and I am allowed to design a life that supports my whole system.

This is not about race.
This is not about nationalism.
This is not about being intolerant.

This is about connection, visibility, and choosing the kind of environment my adult self can flourish in.

Now that I’ve said it plainly, I feel clearer, calmer, and more rooted in what I truly want.