Today felt like one of those quiet days where everything inside me lines up — not perfectly, but honestly. I didn’t try to force anything. I just stayed with what was real in my body, and somehow that created a sense of ease I haven’t always known.

Belonging Without Needing Anyone

This morning at the dog park, I realised something important: I actually belong in spaces even when no one there is “my people.” I don’t need a tribe to feel grounded. I just exist, and that’s enough.

A retriever launched itself into a giant muddy puddle, and I burst out laughing — not politely, not self-consciously, but from that pure, inner-child place. The older lady who owned the dog didn’t seem thrilled, but it didn’t really matter. My laughter wasn’t for her. It was for me. It was genuine.

That’s secure energy — being myself without shrinking because someone else doesn’t like it.

Feeling Openness When It Matters

At college, everything feels easier. Most people are married, so there’s no perceived pressure. I can let myself be open, warm, curious, without worrying about where any interaction might go.

But when there is the possibility of something?
I feel it.
My inner child wakes up a little.
My breath shifts.
There’s that gentle, alive fear of the unknown.

And honestly… it’s exciting.

I’m learning that secure attachment doesn’t mean “no fear.”
It means fear doesn’t take the wheel anymore.

I’m pacing myself naturally now:

  • a warm “hey”
  • next time a “how are you?”
  • then maybe referencing something we spoke about before

Tiny steps. No forcing. No rushing.
Just letting connection emerge in its own time.

Realising That Many Women Would Be Receptive

This was a surprising shift for me.

There’s a part of me — the old, wounded part — that still believes I’m unworthy of existence. But slowly, my body is starting to trust the truth:

I am wanted in the world.
I am enjoyable to be around.
Most people are actually open to connection.

The belief that only “1% of women” would ever be receptive to me wasn’t an attachment truth. It was a trauma truth.

Secure attachment reframes it:

  • Many women would be open to a conversation.
  • A smaller number would be compatible.
  • And I only ever need one.

When I show up grounded, warm, and regulated, people respond differently. They soften. They stay open. They reciprocate. And I can feel that now.

Regulation Through Routines

I’ve been noticing how much my everyday rhythms support my emotional world:

  • the gym
  • reading in McDonald’s
  • walking the dog
  • existing in communal spaces
  • even just breathing more deeply in moments of connection

These places help me stay regulated and present. They nourish me without me needing to “go out and meet people” in a pressured way. I just show up where humans are, and let things unfold.

Choosing a Massage, Then Not Needing It

This was telling.

Earlier today, I thought I’d get a massage — not for sex, but for grounding, soothing, and relaxation. But once I worked through my emotions, the urge softened.

That tells me the urge wasn’t about escape.
It was my body asking for regulation — and I gave it that in other ways.

This is the first time I’ve really been able to notice that distinction clearly.

Taking Care of My Home As a Reflection of Taking Care of Myself

The floor project is big, but I’m no longer approaching it from overwhelm. I’m pacing it:

  • removing the remaining skirting boards
  • finishing the ply levelling
  • emptying the room tomorrow
  • letting myself take the time I actually need

There’s no panic. No self-judgment. No need to complete the entire thing today.

I’m doing it slowly, carefully, and well — the same way I’m approaching relationships and connection.

Financial Safety & Nervous System Safety

My fear of running out of money has eased. I’m budgeting well, and even knowing my mum is willing to help in a true emergency has soothed something deep.

It’s like my inner child finally heard:

“We are safe.
We are provided for.
We don’t have to survive everything alone.”

That alone creates space for connection, creativity, and secure relating.

The Larger Shift

What’s happening now isn’t subtle.
It’s foundational.

I’m showing up emotionally regulated.
I’m allowing connection instead of forcing it.
I’m forming bonds that deepen slowly and naturally.
I’m not chasing or collapsing.
I’m becoming receptive to women who feel safe.
I’m trusting myself in a way I never did before.

Most importantly:

I no longer feel like I need to fight for my existence.
I simply exist — and that is enough.

This is what emerging secure attachment looks like in real time.
And it’s beautiful to experience it in my own body.