For most of my life, I genuinely didn’t understand that women could be attracted to me. I didn’t feel it in my body. I didn’t interpret the signals. I assumed I was invisible, or average, or simply someone who connections didn’t “happen” to.

But I’m finally beginning to see something more honest:
I’ve always been far more attractive than I ever knew.

Not in the superficial sense — though I can now see I’m actually a good-looking, fit man — but in the energetic sense. The groundedness, humour, warmth, steadiness, and emotional depth I carry now are things that were always there in fragments.

I just never had access to them.

Growing up unvalidated teaches you to look away from yourself. It teaches you to downplay the exact qualities other people might find compelling. You become blind to your own presence because you’ve spent your whole life bracing for misunderstanding, rejection, or being overlooked.

But recently something shifted.

Eye contact with a woman in the gym became a real moment. A held breath. A held gaze. A kind of “are you going to stay here with me?” energy. And for the first time, I didn’t collapse, freeze, or overthink. I stayed in myself. I felt my own presence. I didn’t need to perform or retreat.

It wasn’t about flirting. It wasn’t about pursuing.
It was about noticing that I am seen.

Slowly, I’m realising that attraction isn’t about height or looks or being Brad Pitt.
Attraction is presence.
It’s slowness.
It’s groundedness.
It’s the quiet confidence of a man who no longer rejects himself before the world has a chance to see him.

Being 35 doesn’t feel like a limitation. It feels like the beginning of my prime. I have depth now. Emotional intelligence. Kindness. Humour rooted in ease rather than fear. The steadiness that comes from fatherhood. The patience that comes from healing. The boundaries that come from finally valuing myself.

For the first time, dating doesn’t feel impossible or overwhelming. It feels spacious. I know now that with the right person, my nervous system won’t be working overtime. I won’t be grounding myself constantly. I’ll simply be. My body will tell me the truth long before my mind catches up.

I used to think I didn’t have many chances. Now I can see I have infinite potential for connection, love, and desire — not because of anything I need to become, but because of who I’ve quietly been all along.

This post is a marker:
I’m finally seeing myself clearly.