Lately, I’ve been paying attention to how different people pull on me.
Not loudly.
Not obviously.
But in subtle ways — through tone, implication, expectation.
It’s made me more careful about what I offer, and why.
What I’m Noticing
I’ve been circling around the idea of “toxic people,” though I’m not sure I fully like the word.
What feels clearer to me is this distinction:
Some people are trying to control the situation.
Others are trying to connect within it.
That difference changes everything.
When someone needs control — over outcomes, narratives, emotions — the relationship stops being mutual. And once you see that, you can’t really unsee it.
What’s uncomfortable is that recognising this leaves you with very few options.
You don’t get to negotiate your way back to safety.
Why I Think It Matters
What I’ve learned — mostly through trial and error — is that people who seek control often feed on emotional response.
Engagement.
Defensiveness.
Over-explanation.
Reaction.
So the question becomes: how do you protect yourself without becoming cold, shut down, or invisible?
What I’ve started to understand is a kind of middle line.
Not being a rock.
But not being porous either.
Something like being polite, firm, and boring.
Still responsive.
Still human.
But with nothing extra to take hold of.
To an outside observer, it looks reasonable.
To someone seeking control, it’s starvation.
So far, it’s the most protective path I’ve found.
The Open Question
I’m still figuring this out.
How to hold boundaries without hardening.
How to stay connected without being available for manipulation.
How to remain myself without feeding what hurts me.
I don’t know if this is the final shape of it — but right now, it feels true enough to keep following.