For a long time, I assumed that certain roles meant safety.

If someone was a therapist, a tutor, a support worker — they must be safe. They must be attuned.
But I’ve learned that emotional safety doesn’t come from credentials.
It comes from how I feel in my body when I’m around them.

And only recently have I unlocked the ability to actually feel what I’m feeling in my body — and trust it.

Some People Feel Safe — Others Don’t

There are people I genuinely feel emotionally safe with:

  • My current therapist
  • My manager at Barnardo’s
  • One tutor in particular, Danny
  • And a few people I studied alongside

That safety is felt. It’s not assumed.
There’s a softness in my body around them. A lack of guarding.

But with others — especially two of my tutors, and my old therapist (who also worked at my college) — I feel tense. Tight. Unsettled. Even when I’ve tried to rationalize it, or give them the benefit of the doubt, my body still doesn’t relax. And that matters.

I Used to Tell Stories to Make It Make Sense

When I felt uncomfortable around someone, I used to create long internal stories — elaborate projections, trying to explain why they acted a certain way. I’d imagine power dynamics, hidden motives, complicated layers. Sometimes I’d armor up completely, believing people were against me.

Looking back, I think that was partly the rebellious teen protecting me. And partly magical thinking — the wounded inner child trying to create meaning where there was emotional confusion.

But now?

Now I don’t need the full story. I just need the signal in my body.

“Do I feel safe with this person?”
If not, I don’t have to stay.

I Let All Parts of Me Speak — But I Choose Who Responds

The rebellious teen, the inner child, the critical parent — they all still arise. I don’t suppress them anymore.
They all bring useful information. They feel different in my body now, and I can tell who’s showing up.

But I no longer react from those parts.
I let my adult respond — grounded, clear, present.

That’s how I know I’m changing.
Not because I’m never triggered, but because I don’t abandon myself when I am.

I’m not handing emotional authority to people just because of their titles anymore.
I’m not forcing connection where it doesn’t feel right.
I’m learning to trust the part of me that says, “This doesn’t feel safe,” even if I can’t explain why.

Because my body remembers.
And now — I’m finally listening.